Happy Birthday Mum

Today is mum's 63rd birthday.

Three years since local authorities told us mum could no longer stay at home with her family as her needs could not be met.

At that time the only support we were getting for mum was about 3 days a week 8am-6pm and the rest was by family. We were also in the process of making adaptions to the house to help with extra care needs. So we were trying our hardest to keep mum at home but it was taken out of our control.

I write this as so many people are quick to say things like "if you cared why don't you take your loved one home"

We NEED to recognise that local authorities have this power to enforce someone into a care home against the families will but as it now turns out they don't have the power to keep that family and the person they enforced into a care home connected.

We argued three years ago that mum's emotional health is just as important as her physical health and I have to say the social work and occupational health really didn't take this argument on board. We fought and fought and we came to a compromise. Even three years ago the mental health of a soon to be care home resident didn't seem to be that important.

I always want to reiterate this point but the staff who look after mum really helped with the transition and built such a good relationship with mum and us, which helped the process. I will always be thankful to every single one of them past and present for the work they day. This is never about the staff but the overall system.

My argument today is with the system and the rights that my mum and we as a family lost the day local authorities decided mum's needs could no longer be met at home despite as a family of working age doing our best to ensure someone was with mum at all times and supporting her.

I never in my life dreamed that mum being in a care home meant that my mum would be denied access to her family, social work told us to treat this as her home.

If it were her home my mum and dad would be allowed to see one another durng this pandemic as are they not a non-cohabiting couple?

If it were her home she would be allowed outside for a socially distant walk (I know this doesn't really apply to my mum as she would need pushed in a wheelchair but hopefully you get my point, as there are others in care homes who could do this but aren't allowed)

If it were her home back in the summer when we were allowed in each others homes she would have been reunited with her family the same way as those living in the community do.

If it were her home she would have been allowed a Christmas bubble(whether we agree with this rule or not it was allowed) like the rest of the country, instead the First Minister stood up in Parliament and told families to not create any bubbles if they choose to visit someone in a care home on Christmas Day, which let's be honest would be no more than an hour and with one person.

Can you imagine if the First Minister stood up in Parliament and told care home staff or NHS staff to not create a bubble on Christmas Day, there would have been outrage.

The reality is if you are in a care home you no longer have any rights. We hear constantly that politicians, public health, care providers etc are terrified to let relatives in and want to keep residnets safe.

If this approach was working then we wouldn't have any care home deaths in the past year but sadly that's not true. Sadly we have covid deaths and non covid releated deaths happening across the country.

So why are family members continuously being seen as the risk

We have to get back to seeing families as partners in care and trusting they will follow the same rules as staff do. It is heart breaking seeing your loved one cuddled by someone else when you stand outside looking through a window.

In the past year we nearly lost my mum twice, once to covid and once to non covid health issues.

My mum isn't living, she is existing and sadly she is not the only one.

So yeah, Happy Birthday Mum I will continue to fight for you in every way I can.

Petition - www.change.org/Allow-Designated-Visits-By-Family-Carers-Into-Care-Homes