I don't know when our goodbye will come

In the world of Dementia we talk about the long goodbye.

What does that mean?

Well for me it's a way of explaining how Dementia steals the identity of the person who is diagnosed and bit by bit we watch the person we love disapear right infront of our very eyes.

It's a hard journey and we don't know how long the long goodbye will last.

I sometimes wonder if I was completely anonymous in this blog would I maybe I would be a little more honest? - well here goes.

Recently I have been preparing myself to say goodbye to mum as I have genuinely felt I am ready for this goodbye - for her sake and dare I say mine.

There are days when I just can't understand the point of her existence anymore and I MEAN existence as she is not living - certainly not living well!!

The other day me and my brother helped mum into bed, we had to both lift her to get her into position as she is unable to even get comfy for an afternoon nap - how is this a life worth living?

I have even said to mum "It's OK I will look after everyone" , decipher that how you will.

Then there are days where she really engages with me in her own way - I swear one day I heard her say "that's my lassie" - that's when I regret being ready to say goodbye as I know she isn't.

If you are ever looking for an inspirational video to watch just google TED talks - I think I have watched every one that has some sort of relation to Dementia.

Recently I watched the TED video by Tony Luciani (google it or scroll back on my page it's a must watch) he said a phrase which hit me -

"Some people don't get to say goodbye"

That was like being hit by a bus!

What have I been doing?

Yes there are hard days for me and for mum , but we need to embrace these in the hope we will gain some good days inbetween and treasure these days as -

SOME PEOPLE DON'T GET TO SAY GOODBYE.

I don't know when our goodbye will come but I promise to stop being ready for it sooner than you are letting it be.