The Elephant in the room

What do you see?

Three people smiling and enjoying the company of each other?

What don't you see?

The tears and the sadness felt at the absence of my mum.

This was taken yesterday, Monday 27th August 2018, the last day of the Edinburgh Fringe where there is an amazing Fireworks display over Edinburgh Castle. It's kind of become a family tradition where possible to attend this event.

This year round it landed on my dad's birthday and dad joined myself and Andrew to watch it together. This is the first year he has watched it without mum and the fact it landed on his birthday made it all the harder.

My birthday is tomorrow, 29th August, so whilst trying to make sure dad is OK and try to normalise his birthday without his wife I can't help but think about my birthday without my mum.

Now when I say without, what I mean is that mum was not able to join us on Monday to watch the fireworks and tomorrow, on my birthday, my mum will not be able to give me a call, text or even realise it is my birthday. To me, that's a birthday without my mum.

These are the moments where it really hits home, how unwell mum is and how crappy this Dementia is!!!!!!

How do you normalise a birthday when your mum has advanced Dementia and lives in a care home?

My mum is still alive and we owe it to her to include her as normal. Why is it when things are bit 'icky' we struggle to normalise this in our daily lives.

I include myself in this

Tomorrow I will spend my birthday getting well wishes from people wishing me a Happy Birthday when all I want is a Happy Birthday from MY mum. So while my mum is living and breathing I WILL strive to include her in anything and everything possible.

What I ask is that if you know my mum please help normalise her life and my life where possible by giving her a visit, she's an amazing woman and loves nothing more than spending time with people she knows and loves - and if she doesn't know you she would love to get to know you.

You can never have too many people in your life.

I know it's hard but it's harder for mum.