Can I set a scene for you?

Setting the scene - two people ,one adult and one other whose age will not be disclosed as of yet, going about daily life.

Home from work and time to make the dinner.

Making the dinner whilst having someone in the kitchen hovering around you can be stressful, especially if that person has no concept of the dangers in the kitchen. So you distract said person with a snack and try to sit them in the livngroom to watch their favourite TV programme, but they continue to come back into the kitchen - so you work around this.

Dinner is made, you sit down with said person to help them eat their dinner. Dinner has to be finger food for said person to be able to eat on their own , otherwise you have to physically feed them. Some food is spilled on their top, some on the floor. Said person also likes the look of food on your plate and tries to eat your food instead.

Eventually dinner is eaten, now to do dishes.

Said person is unable to help with dishes, so you clear the plates and tidy the kitchen. Whilst at the sink doing the dishes said person has made their way back into the kitchen and picked up some leftovers, taken one bite and dropped the rest on the floor and trampled on it whilst leaving the kitchen. So this now needs to be added to the list of things to be done before you can finally 'relax'

You have had an hour or so of watchin tv, but not much chat as said person is unable to converse. So there os no-one to share your day with or your worries. So now we try to go to bed.

Said person needs help with personal care and needing to get in their pyjamas. Said person does not like it when this happens and a small struggle can be had every night doing the same routine.

Eventually you are all in bed and trying to get some sleep for the day ahead. Said person has been in bed for 5 minutes and is back up again, it takes a good hour to get said person back into bed - repeat 5 times...

Before you know it it's morning and you have yet to have a good nights sleep - you feel you can't remember the last time you actually had a good nights sleep and its starting to really take its toll on you.

Said person cannot be left alone, so someone arrives to be with said person. You head off to work and feel guilty that you are not there for said person, but you know that someone needs to go to work to earn the money and this is you.

Have a long hard, dfficult day at work, come home and repeat from the top AGAIN.

Please note there is some exaggeration in this sequence but on a difficult day it could be found to be true. You would be forgiven for thinking this could be the description of the life of a single parent to a young child?

No not this time. This is the life of a caregiver to someone with Dementia - this is my dad. I go back to mum and dad's every Wednesday night to give him a break from this routine and to be mum's (and in a sense dads) caregiver.

Dementia can be hard and lonely for the main caregiver.

I have many friends who have children, I at present do not have any children. I sometimes here them describe the trials of parenthood and it really saadens me to think that i am going through some of the exact same trials as a daughter to my mum and not as a mum to a daughter.

The same goes when I see mum do or say something I haven't seen her do in a long time. I understand that feeling parents must get when their child seapks for the same time. The sad thing is mum knew how to do all this, her brain is slowly dying and stealing these away. These are NOT 'new' things mum is doing, she has done all these before Dementia creeped in and stole them away.

Dementia is not just about forgetting peoples namesand hopefully this post has helped you understand a little more about what Dementia is doing to us right now as a family.