Rebekah Duke - Guest Blog

My wee sister Becky has very bravely chosen to open up about her own experience with mum's Alzheimers - we as a family cope well together, but all cope in seperate ways. I have broached the idea that anyone is welcome to share a blog post but at the same time no pressure to do so.

Becky has just finsihed a degree in childhood studies and had chosen to share how mums Alzheimer's has effected her in a way which none of us can compare to. I am very proud of her in everything she does, I know this post she has chosen to share will have been hard for her to write, but talking is so important and for that I thank her for opening up about her own personal thoughts and feelings on her Alzheimer jourmey with mum.

Below is becky's own account in her own words -

Blogging about Alzheimer’s is not something I do. I personally find it very difficult to put my experiences and views of the disease out there. My sister does blog, and I take my hat off to her - her candour about my mum’s illness has raised so much awareness and it’s something I am extremely proud of. However, I have offered to guest blog to help increase awareness of the Early On-Set Alzheimer’s disease, which my mum was diagnosed with at the age of 56.

Yesterday I received my exam results confirming the completion of my degree. I was particularly anxious about these results because during the exam period I had a lot going on, in addition to both my sons being off school for the spring break. I was at breaking point and had very, very, little time to give my assignments. Anyway, the results came in, I now have my degree (YAY!) and I can relax. Well, as much as I can living in a house with three absolute nutters.

Studying and being a mum has been it’s own challenge. There are swings and roundabouts – I can be fairly flexible around the kid’s busy routine, squeezing studies in to any spare time I can afford. However, when exams and deadlines hit I end up working flat out for weeks and the boys are duly neglected. Poor Steven also lives life as a single father working 2 jobs. Given that I am studying Childhood, serves up extra guilt. Writing about the negative effects of screens and junk food, as I plop my own children in front of the Xbox with a tub of Pringles isn’t a high point in my motherhood.

Mum guilt isn’t a new thing and god knows I am not the first nor last to feel it. However, this wasn’t the only form of guilt I developed over the last year. With the academic year shortened, I came to the conclusion that I was struggling to keep on top of my studies alongside family life and had to take a step back from caring for my mum who has Early On-Set Alzheimer’s. My mum is currently at a stage where she needs round the clock care. So together with the never-ending mother’s guilt, came the horrible feeling I was failing my responsibility as a daughter.

I do a Thursday, which is today and my mum is here with me right now. I wish I could tell her I am sorry for not being around more the last few months. I wish I could tell her that I passed everything. I wish I could have called her yesterday and have her tell me she was proud of me. I have often wished I could call her during the stress of exams. My mum herself, studied when I was wee and I remember it so well. It would have been so valuable to me, a few months ago, to have my mum reassure me that I was doing the right thing and the kids would be okay.

And as much as I want to share this achievement with her, I hate the idea that she has been robbed of sharing it with me. Whenever my children achieve anything I beam with pride and float about high on life for a few days. I’m angry for my mum because she will never get to share an achievement like this with me, and I really, really want to make her proud. Like any child does.

And the horrible thing is she is right here, right next to me. I’ve just helped her shower and we’re eating some toast but we cannot have that moment. I’ll reiterate, she’s not an old woman – she was diagnosed aged 56. Alzheimer’s is horrific, it never gets better, it never gets easier. It takes and takes and takes these little moments, which thankfully others take for granted, but would have meant so much to me.

***Update***

So after zero response from mum all morning culminating in my initial blog, I stood in the kitchen heating soup and as mum walked in, I told her again, ‘Mum, I got my degree.’ This time her face lit up and she cried and laughed and told me that we were going to have a party. She also told me she loved me and pulled me in for a hug. I haven’t had a response like that in years. I tried to recreate it in the attached video. Alzheimer’s is still a horrible, horrible, disease, but today my mum shone through.