It just hits you out of the blue....

They don't warn you about the days where you are just sitting at your desk at work and it all seems to hit you at once - you want everything to go back to normal, you want your mum back - well today was one of those days.

Today i just felt so angry and upset that my mum is no longer here - and before anyone starts saying 'she is still your mum, its just the alzheimers making her like this', I know this but it doesnt make things any easier. Yes she is still my mum and she is still here, but not in the way I want her to be.

Today I really hated Alzheimer's and I mean hated it - I sat in the toilet in work and cried. Mum and Alzheimers is constantly in the back of my mind 24/7 and I get angry, frustrated and wonder whats even being done to help mum?

I am totally on board with those who can 'live well with dementia' and think it's amazing for these people but I think its about time we start shouting about those who CAN'T 'live well with dementia' and how it effects the person diagnosed and there loved ones who care for them.

Do you know what I want the most? To have a conversation with my mum, I want to tell her about my new job, I want to her to ask me a question. I want to know if she even knows who I am, or am I just a familar face to her now?

I am kind of rambling here I know but feel these are the kind of posts I need to share sometimes where I just type away and say how I feel, I guess this is why I started this blog.

Monday starts Dementia Awareness Week in Scotland and I plan on sharing a few blog posts I've been sitting on for a while and share some hoensty on how alzheimers sucks!!!

Sometimes I think we try to be too nicey nice but in reality Dementia is a degenerative brain disease wth no cure - so what is there to be positive about?

So yeah I think we need to recognise the down days and how it effects us all and my way of dealing with it is by doing this.

Thanks for reading and follwoing as I sometimes wonder how I would actualy cope if I hadnt started But Alzheimers Is For Old People.