What does Dementia mean to me now?

6 years I think Dementia has been rearing its ugly head, 2-3 years we didnt know that's what it was. So what does Dementia mean to me now?

Dementia to me is laying in bed with mum, stroking her hair trying to calm her down so she can go to sleep, whilst she cries and constantly saying 'hello, whose there' i reply 'its ok mum, its me tasha, were just going to sleep'

Dementia to me now is not having a mum who knows anything about me, a mum who doesn't ask me any questions, a mum who probably doesnt even know I moved to a new city 3 years ago.

Dementia to me is feeding my mum in public and helping her drink and not caring what people think.

Dementia to me is going about daily life and finding myself thinking - mum cant even do this anymore.

Dementia to me is revolving life aound mum making sure there is someone with her 24/7 as she needs our help and cant be left alone.

Dementia to me is making sure dad is ok as he is living this 24/7.

Dementia to me is feeling jealous of those who can give their mum a call and arrange a shopping day and catch some lunch.

Dementia to me is feeling guilty when you are having a good time.

Dementia to me is the happiness when you have a small coherent conversation with mum and you are forgiven for thinking for a second that things are 'normal'

Dementia to me is getting annoyed at mum as i cant understand why she can do some things and not others , but then getting even more annoyed at myself as i know its not mums fault.

Dementia to me is the feeling of anger that any children I have will never know my mum as the gran they should have had.

Dementia to me is wanting to protect my mum from the world.

Dementia to me is spending every second with mum singing, dancing, making funny faces in the hope that one of these will enegage mum to get up and going.

Dementia to me is walking into a room and your mum not even acknowledging you.

Dementia to me is the feeling of losing someone right before your eyes day by day.

Dementia to me is an emotional rollercoaster of some really dark days mixed in with some really amazing days.

Dementia to me is campaigning and rasing awareness - we have a long way to go and I want mum's journey to have not been in vain.

Did i mention that Dementia to me is mum forgetting what she did 2 hours ago? No because thats not Dementia to me.