And so it begins

Me - "Mum do you know how old I am next year?"

Mum - "No idea"

Me - "Have a guess"

Mum - "Nope no idea"

Me - "I'm 30 next year"

Mum (in a very shocked voice) - "no way 30? Well we'll need to throw you a big party for that"

I've had this conversation with mum about 5 or 6 times recently and everytime it has been almost word for word the exact same, and its a conversation I have dreaded.

I mean not exactly the conversation that mum didnt know it was my 30th next year but a conversation which I think we all fear with a loved one who has Alzheimers - the first conversation where you realise there is a part of you they dont know anymore.

Now I'm not saying mum doesnt know who I am anymore, as we are definitely not at that stage yet. But its still a horrible feeling to know your own mum doesnt know the big events that are happening in your life, despite having the conversation 5 or 6 times, and it makes you scared for whats around the corner.

I had prepared myself for mum not remembering past events etc, but hadnt really grasped the fact she may not be able to comprehend future important events in our lives as a family.

I have redrafted this blog post so many times as I dont really know what I want to say and get across. Maybe all I want to say is that Alzheimer's sucks and we can put on a brave face and say things are OK as we know it could be alot worse, but all it takes is one conversation to remind you that 'yeah mum does have Alzheimer's and its scary'.

#alzheimers